In the Lost Lands (2025): A Road Trip to Nowhere
If you enjoy post-apocalyptic wastelands that make absolutely no sense, Paul W.S. Anderson’s latest offering, In the Lost Lands, might be for you. Based on a short story by George R.R. Martin, the film attempts to blend fantasy and sci-fi but ends up lost in its own desert of logic.
The Plot: A Quest for a Werewolf?
The story follows a powerful witch named Gray Alys (Milla Jovovich), who is tasked by a desperate queen to enter the “Lost Lands” to retrieve a werewolf’s essence. To navigate this Mad Max-style hellscape, she recruits Boyce (Dave Bautista), a tracker whose primary personality traits are a sense of direction and a strange obsession with a two-headed snake. Watch Now
Where Physics and Logic Go to Die
The film’s biggest hurdle is its world-building. We start in what looks like a medieval execution scene, only for guns to appear moments later. Is it the past? The future? A “future-past”? The movie never quite decides.
One of the most glaring issues is the magical appearance of resources. In a world that looks like it hasn’t seen a drop of water in a century:
The Horse Mystery: After a massive battle and escaping a crumbling chasm, the characters suddenly have a horse. Where did it come from? Was it just waiting behind a rock?
Bridge Burners: Our “heroes” have a habit of destroying every bridge they cross. In a dying civilization, you’d think they’d have a bit more respect for the remaining infrastructure!
Performances and “Crossword” Tattoos
Milla Jovovich (Gray Alys): Sporting face tattoos that look like an unsolved crossword puzzle, Alys has the power to make people fall in love with her just by looking at them. This leads to some unintentionally hilarious moments, including a Skeletor-lookalike becoming smitten mid-battle.
Dave Bautista (Boyce): Bautista does his best with the material, but even his charisma can’t save dialogue that feels like it was written for a high school play. Lines like “We’re two of a kind; I can see it in your eyes” are delivered with a straight face that deserves an award for sheer willpower.
The Verdict
“A film that asks you to turn off your brain, but forgets to give you anything worth looking at in return.”
| The Highs | The Lows |
| Star Power: Jovovich and Bautista have decent chemistry. | Nonsensical Logic: Items and animals appear out of thin air. |
| Action Stills: Some fight scenes on a bus tram are visually interesting. | Cringe Dialogue: Serious lines that provoke laughter. |
| Concept: A GRRM story always has potential. | Direction: Paul W.S. Anderson’s weakest effort in years. |
Who is this for? Die-hard Milla Jovovich fans or people who enjoy movies that feel like they belong on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Who should avoid it? Anyone who values a coherent plot or realistic stunt coordination.
Rated R, 101 Minutes
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Writer: Constantin Werner, Paul W.S. Anderson, George R.R. Martin
Genre: Our screwed future/past?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: I’m thinking you gotta really love Milla Jovovich
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “They need a better stunt team”